I found myself awake at the bottom of a river, chained. I had no idea how I had gotten here, but it was so fortunate that I did. A seahorse was swimming around, looking for help. After unchaining myself and spending a few minutes explaining that I didn’t want to harm the little tyke it told me of a very sad story. Its home had been taken by a naughty anglerfish! Well I wasn’t about to let such an injustice stand, so I immediately volunteered to help out! Out of thanks my sea companion named me squire.
We swam away across the river, the seven seas, a mountain or two and through a desert, where I helped the seahorse take care of some evil camel sorcerers, before we arrived at our destination. A small island in the middle of the river I found the seahorse in! There was a giant castle on it dear diary and as the two of us made our way up the stairs the seahorse became afraid. When I asked why my sea friend told me that the anglerfish was actually his cousin, twice removed, who had taken his throne through trickery and evil manipulations. He was afraid his angler cousin would do the same again. Not with me he wouldn’t! I ensured my new bestie, gave him a pat on the head and we moved on. I was named a knight of the seahorses.
We were greeted by a scene of carnage. It was truly horrifying, so horrifying that even I lost my nerve for a second. It… It… There were seahorse corpses everywhere! My friend began to cry, I merely looked at the one responsible. He was currently feasting on seaweed while one last seahorse was trying to amuse him. I raised my voice and told him we were here. He looked up and our eyes met. Not saying a word, we both entered battle.
It took the better parts of three hours. We started inside, wrestling, not giving an inch. He was very fat and very strong, but I had justice on my side, my seahorse friend always on my mind. Slowly he began to move backwards and fear appeared on his face. And so he cheated and hit me with the fleshy growth in the eye. I was stunned and with that he pushed me out of the castle and we both tumbled in the sea.
There the Anglerfish made a ghastly sound and all of a sudden a massive sea snake, the entire house of anglerfish and twenty large salmon schools appeared. I was alone, defenseless, but all of a sudden my sea bestie entered the water and made a noble, kind, sweethearted sound of his own. All the seahorses in the lake appeared, vastly outnumbering the nasty bois. My sea friend looked at me and named me a member of his Sea Guard. With my spirit renewed we continued the battle.
When I placed the bloodied and gory seawood crown back on the head of the seahorse a cheer went through the throne room. My new sea bestie proclaimed me a hero of the river and had a place for me at court if I wanted it. I would be adopted into his house and serve as his primary advisor on matters of state. And I wanted to accept, dear diary, I really do. But there was one thing on my mind the entire time: I was really missing my bestest bestie Analyze. I therefore graciously refused the offer and told my sea bestie of my plan. Seeing the noble means of my plan he gave me his blessing. I kissed him on the cheek to say my farewell and oh my god diary something magical happened. My seahorse bestie and all his seahorse siblings turned into human beings with white hair and purple eyes! We were all amazed and shocked. Turns out this family of seahorses had also been cursed until they were received a fair maiden’s kiss of true love and friendship. To celebrate this joyous event they showered me with gold and statues, which I accepted because I knew Analyze would want to use the money for his website. With that I left, while my sea bestie started talking with his siblings about adopting the seahorse for their sigil.
I found my beloved bestie Analyze sleeping near the river I originally found my sea bestie. The sweetling was mumbling in his sleep about chocolate ice cream and his grandma. Not wanting to wake him up I carried him, and my treasure, back into his house. There I placed all of my lovely new acquired wealth in his room and stayed there, keeping a watchful eye to make sure nothing else would happen to him anymore. And to see the look on his face when he would see we could spend more time together. He’s such a wonderful guy! <3
To read the related Critique Geeks episode click here.
To read my bestie Analyze’s perspective click here.