Analyze’s Diary – Entry 7: Silence of the Kitties

 

I had it with fava beans. And that yellow substance is chianti. Yes... chianti.

What’s that Mr. Shoe? You don’t want to be eaten? Well tough luck, you selfish bastard! You’re making a sacrifice for a greater cause, a cause far beyond the travails of mere mortals, of justness and righteousness: Me.

Dear reader, it has been an ordeal like no other that has ever been experienced in the history of the universe. The multiverse! The omniverse! I have attempted to deafen myself several times, sadly the spoon didn’t fit in my ear. And it has sullied all the forks with its spittum. My mother has long since fled, so washing them has become impossible. I have eaten my right shoe as the food it produces contains nothing but the worst filth imaginable: Fresh vegetables. I shudder to think of it as I write, dear reader. I am considering eating the cat, but have so far abstained as it is the only source of intelligent conversation. In other words, it’s been a rough first afternoon.

But soon that will change. I have set up a lure which it cannot endure and my reader I do assure, with some ardour, not to be premature that I’ve run out of rhymes but point is I’mma kill him! I have set up our next meeting discussing the Elder Scrolls. The sensual Khajiit will be on his mind then. That is when I will strike. As the feline in his head distracts him, oh dear reader, he will feel the claws. The jaws. He will die! Die! Or at the very least be mildly hurt. In which case I’ll just strangle him.

So, my dearest audience, I hope you enjoy the resulting CG. For it will most certainly, definitely, without a doubt be his final one!

Indubitably! And don’t look at me like that!

To read the related Critique Geeks episode click here.

To read the doomed one’s perspective click here.

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